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July 12, 2005

The Date That Never Was

Last night quite by accident I found this post from Stephanie detailing a "date" we had a few years ago. Funny thing is I don't remember it at all that way. Stephanie is a real sweetheart and she's a very talented writer. I like her a great deal. But not, I think, how she seems to interpret things.

My memory of the evening revolve around things completely unrelated to her. For one I met Nikki Sixx which was for me a real pleasure. The first Motley Crue album on Leathur Records was a real treat of my youth. Elektra simply destroyed the album when it was remixed for the national release. It made me feel like on eo fth ein-crowd, one of those in the know to tell Nikki how much I loved the first mix and how the second one made me want to puke. He agreed. The very fact that I could stand in a room with him and share my opinion on this very important topic completely made my week. Secondly I met Donna D'Erico, who is married to Nikki, and well she's an amazing beauty. I was completely struck with her. I've never met a woman so beautiful and just a few moments with her was extremely exciting.

There was a nother thing as well with the evening (but really was a trifle compared to the above). Watching Hugh Hefner dance on the floor surrounded by his 8 girlfriends (or whatever number it was) and having the dance floor completly cordoned off by a line of secutiry thugs who wouldn't let anyone but Hugh's women on the floor with him. It was completely and tragically surreal.

Stephanie and I met several weeks, it seems, before this at a meetup for bloggers. The event was held at a location close by, K was out of town, and it seemd like perhaps a fun thing to attend. Stephanie immediately struck me as reserved and introspective. Not traits I find attractive usually. I love me some introspection but if it doesn't meet a tangible exhibitionism the whole character seems to crumble in my eyes. Stephanie was just this. Someone I thought might be interesting but who verged on crumbling away due to her quiet manner.

I asked her to go out for a coffee or something afterward based on what little we had managed to say in the bar. She immediately informed me she wasn't interested in going out. She was getting over someone, or going out with someone, or whatever. Alas neither was I, interested in dating, so it worked well I thought at the time. I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to about literature, writing, politics. My days were spent talking with a child or working. My circle of adult contemporaries was as thin as a transgender queen diva in a farmfield in Jackson County Oklahoma. (bear with me I do overwrite) We went out later. I think to an english tea, although I may be mixing up the order of these things. I recall at a pizza joint I discovered she liked the writings of Ruth Chew. I am a huge fan of Ruth Chew and felt a special connection with Stephanie due to this.

Unfortunately nothing was to come of this connection. I soon realized in interacting with Stephanie that very little of what I find of value in writing fit with what seemed to animate her. Although I find her writing strong, consistent, and with a distinct voice her personailty wasn't able to convey this to me. (I think she can be very shy) I have no doubt that if we had been associates in college we would have found much time spent arguing the finer points of Proust. Alas it wasn't to be the case though with Stephanie. The logistics of living as adults in ahuge metropolis with no common expereinces between us and the fact that there wasn't any sexual energy between us seemed to dictate that we'd not stay in touch.

I did however, several weeks later, call and ask her if she wanted to attend the KISS party with me. I thought it might be fun for her as she had said she hadn't done much of the Hollywood thing out here. I've never fit in out here when it comes to night life. I'm way too midwestern I guess. Like Stephanie wrote in her piece, neither one of us fit in. I'm used to that. I get along better now and I just do not care whether I fit in. But she seemed very aware of the differences between the way we presented ourselves and the others at the party. One of them was nude (or at least topless), so obviously we were dressed quite differently.

Anyway the night was not very interesting. Like all these parties most folks spent their time watching each other. The drinks were nice and free for a while. The guest list was bizarre. Fran Drescher is a real trip when she's being a civilian. I like her a lot when she's being her normal self. Wow but the person she is on tv is so much different. But really it was a work gig for me and I was a bit too tense to really have fun. (DP was there which made for a very tense time for me on a couple of occassions) I couldn't figure out why it was that Stephanie kept moving away from me. The room was loud. I couldn't figure out how she expected us to communicate if we didn't lean into each other.

All in all it really seems, after reading Stephanie's post, that we were in different spaces about that evening. Her expectations seem to have been that I was courting her. Oh dear. I haven't actively courted anyone in years. I don't even know if I still know how. She wrote I was almost an hour late. I seem to recall driving up in front of Book Soup (only time I've ever been there) at the time I was supposed to be there and taking about ten minutes to find a parking spot before I showed up to see her. I never received a call from her, never placed a call to her, concerning being late or expectations of same. Very weird.

July 12, 2005

The Date That Never Was

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